Even though trust plays a role in every relationship we will ever form, it is hard for all of us to understand. Think about it for a moment. There are times in life when we’ve given trust and haven’t gotten it back. If we’re honest, there are also times when we haven’t rewarded the trust we’ve been given. I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been hurt by giving too much of it at some time in our lives, and, unfortunately, we’ve hurt others by not giving it enough.
I believe that trust was once presumed —people were trusted until proven otherwise. But over the years, we’ve taken it for granted and have learned to distrust others first, withholding our precious trust until we know someone is deserving of it. Yet, we’ve all known people who do deserve and receive our unwavering trust. We share with them our confidences and fears. They are the first to rejoice in our major life announcements and the persons with whom we dare to share our greatest dreams and aspirations. They are a cherished gift in our lives, and we’re not fearful that they will violate our trust once it’s given. They become our unique definition of trust, and as a result, become our trust mentor.
I, too, have a trusted mentor. Surprisingly, it’s not a parent or an employer – it is my son, Adam. His entrance into our lives was anticipated with immense joy and the usual expectations a parent has for their child’s life. We looked forward to watching him grow and reach life’s milestones while we applauded his efforts. That did happen, but not in the way we expected.
Adam’s birth was complicated, resulting in a C-section. At one point, both he and his mother stopped breathing. Imagine my relief when I was told they were both fine. However, it was not long before we started to notice development challenges in Adam. We were ultimately told the hypoxia, or lack of oxygen to the brain had impacted him in a manner which would cause developmental issues throughout his life. No one knew immediately what those challenges might be or how they might affect Adam physically or psychologically. He was consistently tested by highly-trained professionals, and we learned that a significant amount of his frontal lobe, as well as other portions of the brain, were not operating, which impacted his ability to process information in a typical manner. Physicians told us our son would never be able to maintain employment. People close to him doubted his ability to finish school. In short, his prospects for a normal, happy life were not likely.
Despite his diagnosis and limits, Adam persevered and not only survived but thrived. He has personalized to me what hardship is and the effort it takes to overcome it. The effort required to succeed when faced with an inherent disability is not just physical or mental toughness. The challenges some face require a strength of character that challenges ego and self-worth. Through it all, we witnessed trust on two opposite spectrums. We knew he had to rely on us and trust us to be his greatest advocate and staunch supporter. If we didn’t trust in his abilities or efforts, he most certainly wouldn’t have exceeded anyone’s expectations. On the other hand, we benefited from the trust and faith Adam had in others, despite obvious challenges, such as classmates who weren’t always kind or understanding. The pain inflicted by others wasn’t something we could control, but he instinctively reached out to those he could trust to overcome it. That included animals and their unconditional love and acceptance. He also had to trust his teachers, who supported his efforts to work with animals. He eventually became a veterinary assistant and earned the trust of a supportive staff in an accepting environment. Today, Adam is gainfully employed and works in a grocery store. He is married and the father of two beautiful daughters. His disability taught us both a lot about trust—trust in each other, trust in our capabilities and love, and trust in a world that is sometimes uncertain and uncaring.
Who is that person in your life? Who taught you to trust and embodies it in everything they do? During infancy and childhood, it was probably a parent, but there are others. As the scope of your world expands beyond the home, so do the people who impact your life. It might be a teacher, a minister, a relative, a friend, or an employer. That person is your trust mentor and, without a doubt, I can guess that it’s probably someone with whom you have a close relationship.
Excerpted from Scott's book, The ROI of Trust Transparency.
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